And they're off!
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Why is it legal in Ohio to bet on horses but not humans?
I have no clue, but it is what it is, and if I can’t bet on the Browns to beat the Bengals, I guess I should take solace in the ability to bet on Little Schmoopy to beat Town Toots.
For anyone thinking I just made those names up, I didn’t -- I actually bet on Little Schmoopy to win the seventh race during my recent trip to Northfield Park, located just south of Cleveland.
Sadly, like so many Little Schmoophys before her, this lovely lady did not come through for me.
Little Towner won the race, and Town Toots took second.
Stupid Schmoopy!
But is betting on the ponies really about winning money? Of course not (unless you‘re like a pair of obnoxious women I sat by who could be heard talking loudly about how badly they needed to win so the could pay their bills this month — kinda sad, really).
A night at the track is about spending an evening outdoors, whooping and hollering as loud as you can while animals run on a dirt track in front of you, and then cheering like a madman if your long shot wins by a nose.
If you want to do that in town, you can go to The Thirsty Pony for simulcast racing on TV screens, but to get the real thing, you’ll have to hop on the road for a bit.
Northfield Park is located in (conveniently enough) Northfield on (conveniently enough) Northfield Road.
From Sandusky, you take Ohio 2 east to Ohio 57 South, hop on the toll road to get to Ohio 8, then drive 8 miles to get to the track.
It takes about an hour and a half to get there.
Post time is at 7 p.m. unless otherwise noted on the Web site (northfieldpark.com).
There’s a $1.75 general admission fee on Fridays and Saturdays, and a $1 parking fee.
Of course, the real cost comes at the betting window. I won a couple of decent payoffs (Striking Karat in the first race, Polo Jenn in the fifth), but a slow streak at the end of the night had me down a few dozen bucks as my friend and I walked back to the car.
But thanks in part to a couple of tasty hot dogs and a couple of tasty Heineken drafts (both offered at the general concession stand), it definitely was an enjoyable experience.
For those who are looking for a little fancier meal, Northfield’s clubhouse dining room is open every night at 6 p.m.
It features a solid menu that includes rotating daily specials.
The week I went to the track, the daily specials were breaded ocean perch ($12.99 Fridays) and Philly cheese steak paninis ($10.95 Saturdays).
The dining room has a few appetizers, salads and sandwiches, and also offers some good entrees, such as sirloin strip steak ($19.95), fried shrimp ($16.95) and chicken parmesan ($16.95).
On the weekends, you can load up with a buffet for $18.95. Considering you can eat the entire night while you root on your favorite horses, it’s not a bad deal.
There’s also a full bar in the clubhouse, featuring a large wine list and several types of liquor.
If you’re a beginner at wagering, here’s a little tip about Northfield --the betting lines change right up to the start of the race, depending on the amount of money laid down on each horse. So it’s a good idea to wait until just a couple of minutes before post time to place your bet. But don’t wait too late — you don’t want to be locked out.
As for what horses to bet on, there’s really not much money to be made on the favorites.
Don’t go for strictly long shots, but if you went and threw $5 on the biggest long shot in each race, I have a feeling you’d actually come away from the evening on the plus side.
My friend played more long shots than me, and he hit a 40-to-1 and ended up way ahead on the evening, while I played it a little safer and ended up way in the hole. (Yeah, I know, who the hell am I to be giving betting tips?)
It might be a bit of a drive, but a night spent at the track is often an enjoyable one, as long as you go in expecting to leave with a lighter wallet.
After all, it’s not every place that you can jump up and down while screaming out “Go, Little Schmoopy, go!” at the top of young lungs and still be viewed as normal.